The hardest part being somewhat cursed as an artist has always been sharing some of the most confusing and darkest of times leaving you exposed to criticism, praise and judgement…a form of therapy…I guess? This song comes from probably the deepest regret I’ve ever experienced with a man haunted by nightmares after returning to a country in the crossfire of a political and violent emotional storm stemming from the Vietnam War.

There are so many things I wish I could change but have to live with the fact I was mis-informed and somewhat sheltered from the effects of casualties of war and the lack of care and accessibility to assistance programs and service providers, if there were any at all back then. This will weigh heavy on my shoulders for the rest of my life that I didn’t seek out the help my father and family really needed.

It wasn’t until I was there at his bedside late one night overlooking Lake Michigan in Milwaukee watching a man I never really knew ready to move on from his cruel and unfair world praying he finds the peace and forgiveness any soul deserves. It forever changed me. I smile less because of it but try my hardest to and find the will everyday to keep moving forward, half smiling and being creative to help me through this earthly journey until my eternal spiritual journey begins.

His mental disability and isolation from the world was withheld from me as a child and to some extent as a young adult. During the 70′s, 80′s and even through the 90′s there wasn’t much mention or awareness of this thing we now look at so commonly called PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). For many Veterans and their families this was not recognized by doctors or psychologists in the way we look at it today and the countless amazing support groups there’s access to.

I never got to know the real man my mother fell in love with as kids in high school. I only hear stories. My fathers PTSD haunted him ’til his very last breath, I’m assuming, knowing judgement day was coming for him and the forgiveness he was seeking for the horrible things he had to do in Vietnam and the nightmares he experienced throughout his life upon returning home after being shot and wounded.

After his passing, against the advice of his social workers, I visited what I would call a room of terror on the back of a ghetto shack leaking water with only a mattress, canned goods and misc. paraphernalia consisting of knives and rifles made out of cardboard lying around as if he was trying to protect himself from a ghostly enemy. Honestly it brought me back to a scene straight out of Apocalypse Now.

I was trying to comprehend how a man could live like this for over 20 years. But even worse how could I not have been aware of this nightmare. Again, the regret will never slip my mind on why I did not seek out to learn more and find more options with help. A stupid selfish young man (and I use “man” loosely) trying to find his own way in life not thinking much more than how to pay his rent every month, put food on the table and find his place in the world.

I write and share music to cope with my mistakes, I write and share music to heal. But most importantly I write and share music to try and connect with others, from what I feel at times has been a dis-connected world I’ve lived in most of my life. Art explains the human condition. Art binds us together. And through art I have been able to share many years giving back to those organizations that help with our returning Heroes.

This is just another song of mine to help heal the wounds and pay respect to a man I never knew. I want to believe this is what he may have been crying out to say if he had a voice. I want to believe it was him speaking through me to deliver these words. I want to believe this will help bring more attention to the struggles of those suffering from PTSD and how important it is to honor those returning from any war…

I can’t explain why I am
Who I am is lost at sea
The war within this graveyard of sin
Stands a man brought to his knees

Can you hold me
Hold me a battered man

Shelter me from the storm
All the rain wash away my sin
Comfort me from the shame
Who’s to blame blows in the wind

Can you show me
Show me a shattered man
The way to be a better man

Hey preacher man I shot a man
So you know before you sentence me
I bid farewell to this land a proud man
Who served his country

Can you hold me
Hold me a battered man
Can you hold me
Hold me a shattered man
Before I’m a buried man
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Help Artists Help Charity
by Givesong.org

Rob Anthony has teamed up with Givesong.org putting value and purpose back into music. ‘Artistry & Charity’ together they have changed the world. With your help we intend to help both. The artist contributes the song, you give what you can to the charity they have chosen. You get the song. It’s that simple.

Visit Givesong.org and learn more about the charity and story behind Anthony’s song ‘Before You Sentence Me’.

In Anthony’s words, “I want to believe this will help bring more attention to the struggles of those suffering from PTSD and how important it is to honor those returning from any war…”